Let's get real. I know it is a scary thought but here it goes, this is Melissa uncensored.
Only those closest to me knows the deep desire I have to become a mom by whatever means necessary. Often I day dream of adopting two older children and by some miracle waking up pregnant with twins. When I share these remarks with others they lookat me odd, yes the only thing that feels like it is missing from my life is the chance to be a mom. I can not explain this to the average person that has been blessed with a little one or who is currently living with a teenager. Am I crazy? Or asking for trouble? This entire line of questions disturbs me. It is wrong to assume that every single kid in foster care is some monster waiting to poison the family and burn down your house? Seems a little irrational to me. Sure they are teenagers with raging hormones and a messed up past but well most kids are at that point. I want to be a mom but the bigger desire is to make the world a better place. I can not think of a better way to improve the world than to invest in the lives of a teenager or school kid. Will they get in trouble? Yes, they are kids...Will they change me life as I know it? Yes if I do it right. Will it add stress, well almost anything worth doing will. So here I am in conflict. Where do I continue to put my efforts? PRaying for a miracle, trying to save to pursue infertility treatments to have my own child, or trying to foster to adopt older kids? Any suggestions or input?
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Yesterday's gone...yesterday's gone
I noticed that in all the busyness of daily life I had not taken time to really blog this month. I guess I dont have much breaking news although I have had some good experiences. I was fortunate to get an official job offer as a Teacher in a near by County, I have been there a week and there has been both good and bad experiences. I have not been given a full copy of policies and procedures or had any official training on the growing piles of required paperwork. I have, however, fell in love with many of my new students. My room situation is awkward, the TA in the room, has been acting as the teacher for months and is not in essence training her replacement. It is a case of being happy for me and sad a little for her. I hope I can remember her feelings and still engage the students as their teacher. Its hard especially since there has been two prior teachers one quit and another transferred and as with any group of children there are certainly special needs that need to be taken into account. I generally am an assertive person but am trying to deal with this awkward situation in a gentle manner. I keep telling myself that God went before me. The lady in the room is nice and a Christian. We have different approaches to teaching but that does not mean we dont have the same desired outcomes.We will be partners in helping each child have many opportunities to learn.I wish she would go back to school but I also know for some reason God gave me this chance. I will say there are times when it feels odd and I hope I can learn everything so that I can be really exceptional at my job. I like knowing exactly what to expect and be well prepared. This is not the situation I prefer being thrown into the environment. My problems are policy related and I need to make it a priority to understand the requirements of my new position. It has also been hectic in that it is extremely difficult to assist Tim with all the church responsiblities that go along with being a Pastor Wife and the unique ones that have to be overcome due to his physical limitations. Tim and I had a great chat and I think we can rework our schedule so that all the important things are covered. I am feeling a lot disorganized and a little disgruntled but after seeking the advice of Ms. Natalie, a wonderful friend and a great Pastor wife, I am going to set boundaries and make task lists. I love her.
Valentine's Day may never really be celebrated in our home. We did spend some time together and this year it marked starting a new job but the reality is that I associated it with Tim getting the flu bug that would take his ability to walk away. I know my hubby loves me, he tells me, spends time with me and is available when I need him. I am thankful for him.
I must admit there were also challenging times. The eighteenth marked the one year mark since Tim developed GBS. It is trauma filled and full of bad memories but even though we had hoped for full recovery I do see some improvement, not as quick as I want it, but that too is not surprising as I struggle with impatience. I am a proud wife of a wonderful and resilient man who lives to share Jesus with others. He is a great balance of stubborn and patient with me and others and I love the dreams that he has for making the world better.
Saturday was the first Second Harvest Food I have ever had a chance to volunteer with. It was a humbling and wonderful experience to be part of helping over 200 families in Warren County get the food they need to survive. The wonderful volunteers were so giving and although I felt lost it was an amazing experience to even have a small part in helping so many people.
I am super excited about some great new things going on at Grace. There is a wonderful lady that is coming on to help with GraceKIDS...which will launch March 6th. Also I am starting up Ladies of Grace, which I hope will be the functional women ministry every lady deserves. Not a chance to gossip and definitely not a chance to bad mouth our husbands but a meeting that is servant project driven and a chance to be ourselves and build real relationships. I am excited and a bit surprised. Tim has constantly said I do not have to do anything for Grace. But I have been given the freedom to use my gifts and try new things. I love children ministry but I am eager to help with servant ministry and especially a women's ministry. I love the planning part of a new challenge. There are a ton of more things happening but I will let Tim share that when He gets his thoughts together.
I finished my first semester of Graduate level school quite successfully and am enjoying the few days break before heading back into the full swing in March. My MIL is going to have knee replacement surgery on March 7th and she may be recovering with us for a while as our apartment has no steps and hers has a flight. I am also excited to have a rare chance to have an unplanned day. We have a few things that we may do but nothing concrete. I hope this gives me the time to clean a little and spend some down time.
Pray for:
1. Cindee she is a lady that comes to Grace she is extremely ill and will be seeking medical advice at Vanderbilt this week.
2. Mrs. Nancy-knee issues
3. That I will adjust well to the new job and schedule of early ams and that I will get along well with the other lady in the room.
4. For Grace that it will grow and that God will always be the focus!
5. Tim's health
6. and for a close friend that needs a miracle in early march...
God Bless
Valentine's Day may never really be celebrated in our home. We did spend some time together and this year it marked starting a new job but the reality is that I associated it with Tim getting the flu bug that would take his ability to walk away. I know my hubby loves me, he tells me, spends time with me and is available when I need him. I am thankful for him.
I must admit there were also challenging times. The eighteenth marked the one year mark since Tim developed GBS. It is trauma filled and full of bad memories but even though we had hoped for full recovery I do see some improvement, not as quick as I want it, but that too is not surprising as I struggle with impatience. I am a proud wife of a wonderful and resilient man who lives to share Jesus with others. He is a great balance of stubborn and patient with me and others and I love the dreams that he has for making the world better.
Saturday was the first Second Harvest Food I have ever had a chance to volunteer with. It was a humbling and wonderful experience to be part of helping over 200 families in Warren County get the food they need to survive. The wonderful volunteers were so giving and although I felt lost it was an amazing experience to even have a small part in helping so many people.
I am super excited about some great new things going on at Grace. There is a wonderful lady that is coming on to help with GraceKIDS...which will launch March 6th. Also I am starting up Ladies of Grace, which I hope will be the functional women ministry every lady deserves. Not a chance to gossip and definitely not a chance to bad mouth our husbands but a meeting that is servant project driven and a chance to be ourselves and build real relationships. I am excited and a bit surprised. Tim has constantly said I do not have to do anything for Grace. But I have been given the freedom to use my gifts and try new things. I love children ministry but I am eager to help with servant ministry and especially a women's ministry. I love the planning part of a new challenge. There are a ton of more things happening but I will let Tim share that when He gets his thoughts together.
I finished my first semester of Graduate level school quite successfully and am enjoying the few days break before heading back into the full swing in March. My MIL is going to have knee replacement surgery on March 7th and she may be recovering with us for a while as our apartment has no steps and hers has a flight. I am also excited to have a rare chance to have an unplanned day. We have a few things that we may do but nothing concrete. I hope this gives me the time to clean a little and spend some down time.
Pray for:
1. Cindee she is a lady that comes to Grace she is extremely ill and will be seeking medical advice at Vanderbilt this week.
2. Mrs. Nancy-knee issues
3. That I will adjust well to the new job and schedule of early ams and that I will get along well with the other lady in the room.
4. For Grace that it will grow and that God will always be the focus!
5. Tim's health
6. and for a close friend that needs a miracle in early march...
God Bless
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