Missing something that has never been.

Let's get real. I know it is a scary thought but here it goes, this is Melissa uncensored.
Only those closest to me knows the deep desire I have to become a mom by whatever means necessary. Often I day dream of adopting two older children and by some miracle waking up pregnant with twins. When I share these remarks with others they lookat me odd, yes the only thing that feels like it is missing from my life is the chance to be a mom. I can not explain this to the average person that has been blessed with a little one or who is currently living with a teenager. Am I crazy? Or asking for trouble? This entire line of questions disturbs me. It is wrong to assume that every single kid in foster care is some monster waiting to poison the family and burn down your house? Seems a little irrational to me. Sure they are teenagers with raging hormones and a messed up past but well most kids are at that point. I want to be a mom but the bigger desire is to make the world a better place. I can not think of a better way to improve the world than to invest in the lives of a teenager or school kid. Will they get in trouble? Yes, they are kids...Will they change me life as I know it? Yes if I do it right. Will it add stress, well almost anything worth doing will. So here I am in conflict. Where do I continue to put my efforts? PRaying for a miracle, trying to save to pursue infertility treatments to have my own child, or trying to foster to adopt older kids? Any suggestions or input?