Everything Changes

and I don't feel the same.

To begin with, what should have been a fairly simple ordeal has ended with my mother in law, just recently becoming weightbearing on both legs and needing quite a bit of assistance. She now has to use a wheelchair for any kind of distance. I had hoped that after the knee replacement she would begin to feel more active and this is not the case. I feel at a loss and spend most of my recent time running back and forth between our apartments. I also sometimes have the urge to go and visit our couch.


It has been rough to see that while Tim is using a walker more He still is not ambulatory and the medical advice we have found is not encouraging. He was able to do five steps to get into a friends home but that was miserable determination and he was in a lot of pain the next few days. He has simply wore himself out in every possible form....mentally, emotionally, physically, even spiritually and being the "strong silent type" has left me trying to make things right and pick up the pieces. I am not placing blame its just the way we are. He can accept things are what they are and here is what should have been different and I simply get stuck in the WHY mode. We drive one another crazy and for what to end up agreeing to disagree.

Grace is not currently meeting. This sucks its like a divorce from the family. Many people came through as if we were a short term foster placement and moved forward...which is great. Seeing people get off drugs, away from prostitution, leave cults and not get abused are awesome but it also sometimes means they have to leave the area to get the new start they need. I dont regret investing in these peoples lives and I am so glad we were successful at least in that way. Three people became Christians. They have changed their life paths and have changed their destinies that was the entire reason we existed. But here was the reality, we were so exhausted from the health and family issues that it was not the focus. And anything less than first priority is not fair. I don't think it is dead but we needed a sabbatical. We still do. I am not sure what the future holds...Im trying to deal with life one day at a time.

It is also the time of the year when I start putting out teacher applications. I really want an elementary school job where i can love children and get additional professional development.

Prayers appreciated!