Let me start by saying my heart goes out to the Blythe and Allen Family. The Blythe Family had to bury a member much too soon, at 35 they lost a Husband, Father, Son, Brother, Uncle, Cousin, and Friend. It was sudden and unexpected and his family needs to know they are being prayed for. The Allen Family, is currently dealing with a tragedy that occurred overseas defending our free country that we often take advantage they are holding things together but they are going to need prayer as they learn to define their new normal. (Side note, In my opinion it is not against God's law to say the Pledge of Allegiance). We are so very blessed in America in part from the bravery of families like this to serve their country and protect us.
So when compared to my situations, they of course are going through so much more. However, I am in a valley. What do I mean? I mean that there are times when I feel like enough already that a good long temper tantrum would benefit me. It isn't just one big thing it is a million small things. Things I really do not have the liberty to share. I am able to share that my MIL is facing knee surgeries and has had her walking abilities greatly decreased over the last month causing us to have to alter what is she is able to do and try and add support. There are other family issues that I can not discuss.
We also have the added stress of trying to lead people to Jesus, and people are broken, so they have different issues and sometimes they don't want to be part of what you offer, sometimes they are fighting spiritual battles and it takes a while even with a lot of support before change takes place, and unfortunately, some people just know the right things to say. We may be fooled but God is the only one that knows their heart. We extend our love and sometimes people don't want to be....so we have to brush off the pain and get tougher but keep moving forward. We feel lucky that there is man that has our van and is repairing it but it is so very difficult to not be able to get around. Add in the reality that most cars do not have the space or the seat Tim can get in due to his GBS and you can see the frustration adding. Tim has been able to go to one baptism and one hour sunday church services and even that has become a major difficulty. I am thankful that He is able to go to those things but he is feeling shut in and my heart breaks for him. I know it will be repaired but the question is when....Sometimes I don't think people know all the time and energy it takes to have even a good service. THey dont know how they are each prayed for and even more they dont know how important each of them are to us and to God.
There is the stress that I now finally have a job interview for a teaching job in Smithville and now I am wondering how in the world am I going to get there and home? and when if I get another interview will I get back etc....Tim is feeling yucky and so am I. I am having lower back pain, sharp stabbing pains in my lower right side, and the weirdest vivid dreams ever....I had to take some Nyquil to finally sleep after four days...
I am in a valley, I still cling to the fact that God is still God and that He will get us through. I just need to walk out to him and not look back or down...I don't like how I am feeling, I don't like the fact that bills are adding up and I don't like that I don't have the answers...but I do have faith that growth is happening and that good things are on the horizon. I sometimes feel that even well meaning Christians try to discourage other Christians from being honest. But here I am human, sad, a little disappointed, and wanting to see miracles...
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